Holiday cooking is a Venn diagram. You’ve got your “Delicious” Circle. Then there’s the “Decadent” Circle. Finally, there’s the “Impress the In-laws and Finally Get Sheila to Shut Her Yap” Circle. Ideally, you can come up with something that fits neatly in the intersection of the three.

Because it’s the holidays, “Decadent” speaks for itself. It is the time of the year, when everyone is off the hook for eating foods that make our livers look askance at us. “Delicious” speaks for itself. But if “Decadent” and “Delicious” was enough, we could stop at mashed potatoes or tres leches cake. No, this time of year demands, as Dr. Seuss wrote, A Little Bit More.

Cranberry Pie

INGREDIENTS

• 1 cups (198 gr.) white sugar

• 1 pound (450 gr.) frozen or fresh cranberries  - usually 1 1/3 bags.

• The zest and juice of 1 medium orange

• Two rounds of pie dough. This is delicious with an all-butter crust, but don’t let anyone throw shade on you for using a pre-made crust from the supermarket. The Crust Police will not crash through the window and shame you for making your life easier.

• 2 Tbsp. milk 

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Place one of the crusts in a pie pan and crimp the edges.  Use a fork to poke holes in the bottom of the crust. Blind-bake the bottom crust for about 15 minutes at 375°.

2. Wash the cranberries, then place them in a pot with the orange juice and sugar.  Cook on medium heat until a third to a half of the cranberries have popped and the mixture is thick. Stir frequently. 

3. Once cooked, pour the mixture into the pre-baked crust. At this point, you can top the pie with a lattice top, or use a cookie cutter to cut out holiday shapes, and place them on top, instead. They will look super-impressive, but if they end up as abstract blobs, who’s to know that that wasn’t what you intended in the first place?

4. Brush the top crust with milk, dust it with sanding sugar, and bake the pie for 35 minutes at 400°.

5. This is best at room temperature, with a scoop of vanilla ice cream or a healthy dollop of schlag (whipped cream). This is where your decadence comes in.

Pie is good. A festive pie will make a big impression and make the rounds in photos on social media. But for in-person decadence/deliciousness/impressiveness-shut-up-Sheila, it hard to beat the right cocktail.

Which brings us to Saint Nicholas.

The actual, historical Nicholas was not to be trifled with. He was best known during his own time for driving demons to possess trees, then chopping them down (his earliest symbol was an axe), and for literally punching another member of the Council of Nicaea in the face during a liturgical argument. There are other, more macabre stories – ones dealing with cannibalism and resurrection.

But perhaps the story that the OG Nicholas is best remembered is the one about him throwing three golden balls down the chimney of three sisters who were about to meet a bad fate if they couldn’t come up with dowries. As a result of this, he is the Patron Saint of, among other things, pawnbrokers. This is why most pawn shops have a sign with three gold balls by the door.

Pawnbroker Cocktail

In a world of chaos and confusion, one of the most persistent questions is why Americans don’t eat gazpacho every single day during the summer. If the idea of a cold soup makes you uncomfortable, don’t call it soup. Call it something happy, like Rainbows and Koala Bears.

INGREDIENTS

• 2 oz. apple brandy – I like Pommeau.

• 1 oz. Goldschlager – This is a clear, cinnamon-flavored liqueur, that contains flakes of actual gold. (Try to get more impressive and decadent than that!

• 1 oz. fresh-squeezed lemon juice. Just a side-note: the best lemons at your supermarket are probably not in the produce section; they are in an end-cap in the seafood department. Nobody’s entirely certain why – it’s just one of Life’s Little Mysteries.

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Fill a cocktail shaker about 1/3 of the way with ice.

2. Add the brandy, Goldschlager, and lemon juice, then shake vigorously.

3. Strain into a fancy, stemmed glass. (Holding a drink by the stem will keep it cold longer.)

This cocktail looks as good as it tastes, which is Very. The apple and cinnamon go perfectly together, of course, and the lemon juice gives the enterprise a mouth-watering acidity. But the story of Saint Nicholas gives a host or hostess a perfect set up for a toast. Raise the drink by the stem, with tiny glints of gold swimming in it, and make a sentimental toast to generosity, or gathering together, or a more edgy toast to punching jerks in the face.