DINING
Dining for the Holidays
Making Spirits Bright, &
Your Guests Carol
By John Fladd
Walking the tightrope of family expectations during the holidays is a bit fraught at the best of times, but some years, it’s more fraught than others.
Let’s say you are newly married, and need to prove some sort of point to your new in-laws. Or maybe you just had your first child, and you made a big deal about having everyone visit you, so you don’t have to travel with the baby. Or you got pulled into too heated an argument, and heard yourself saying, as if at a great distance, “I’m not a CHILD, Mother! Fine! Everyone can come to my house this year!”
In any case, let’s say you’ve found yourself on the hook for some entertaining over the holidays. You’ve got the food handled. Maybe you’re actually a very good cook and are looking forward to showing off a little. Maybe you planned ahead, and are ready to pick up three or four showcase dishes at the caterer’s. Or maybe, you’ve decided to go with fancy table settings, and send out for pizza.
You still need the fancy table settings, or something fancy and grown-up to make it look like you’ve got some idea of what you’re doing. A solid centerpiece for your table can do that for you. Before you panic and start frantically getting yourself in trouble with glue, glitter, and pipe cleaners, you can make everything simple with two words: Cylinder. Vase.
This is simply a large, glass tube. You can find it for under twenty dollars at a discount superstore, or on its website. Put it in the center of your table, and fill it with stuff – dollar store Christmas ornaments. Or ten dollars’ worth of lemons. Or wadded up balls of wrapping paper. If you’re feeling brave-but-tired – send all your guests out to find pinecones.
Everything looks grown-up and fancy in a cylinder vase. Boom!
But what about your guests? How do you get them to unclench a little? You know for a fact that your sister-in-law can be fun; you’re virtually certain you saw her laugh once. And you know for a fact that you’ll be better at hosting if you could were fifteen percent more relaxed.
The holidays are an excellent time for cocktails. Everyone feels more friendly and civilized when they are drinking something out of a glass with a stem, even if it’s root beer. Here are two holiday cocktails. One is sophisticated and great for making toasts. The other is more… er… celebratory.
Pawnbroker Cocktail
Saint Nicholas — aside from being the patron saint of children, thieves, brewers, sailors, and wolves — is the patron saint of pawnbrokers. You may have heard that story about him throwing three golden balls down the chimney of a family with three daughters who needed a dowry. You may or may not be the type of person who spends time in pawn shops — nobody’s judging you — but the next time you pass by one, look at the front window or door, and there will will probably be a sign with three gold balls.
INGREDIENTS
2 oz. apple brandy – I like Laird’s Applejack
1 oz. Goldschläger – A cinnamon schnapps with flecks of actual gold in it
1 oz. Fresh-squeezed lemon juice
INSTRUCTIONS
Combine all ingredients with ice in a cocktail shaker.
Shake
Strain into a small, fancy glass. As you drink this, think about how much you’d have to pay someone to take one of your kids off your hands. You’ll come away with a new appreciation for Nicholas.
This is a take on a classic cocktail called a sidecar. Think of it as a cousin to a margarita, but with brandy instead of tequila, and, in this case, a sweet, cinnamon-y associate. The taste of this drink is very cinnamon-forward, but, much like Saint Nicholas himself, do not underestimate it. It is full of surprises. Especially after your third one.
Switches and Coal
This is a Krampus-themed holiday drink. The Krampus is a legendary counterpart to Saint Nicholas in some European countries. The Saint rewards good children, and the Krampus leaves them coal, or switches to be beaten with, or, in extreme cases, carries naughty children away in a sack.
The legends and traditions are pretty clear; the traditional drink for a Krampus is a straight shot of schnapps. That’s great if you’re putting in a hard night of terrifying children, but what about when your shift is over and you get a chance to put your hooves up? You’ll want something refreshing, but with some authority.
This is a take on a classic drink called a Black Satin, but boiler-maker-y:
INGREDIENTS
3 oz. Very Dark Beer - stout or porter
3 oz. Brut Champagne
2 oz. of the Darkest rum you can get your hands on – I like Cruzan Black Strap
INSTRUCTIONS
Gently pour the Very Dark Beer into a tall glass.
Float the champagne on top of it. Pour it over the back of a spoon. It will not make visibly separate layers, but it makes a difference.
Pour a shot of Very Dark Rum, then drop it into the mixture.
Drink, while complaining to your spouse about your day.
We all understand, intellectually, that grapes are a fruit, but it is still shocking how fruity and chocolatey this drink is. It is utterly delicious, and just what you want to drink if you’ve had a hard day with the kids. It goes down dangerously smoothly.